Cows & Politics Explained

A CHRISTIAN: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
AN ATHEIST: You have two cows. You believe in the survival of the fittest, the hell with your neighbor.
AN AGNOSTIC: You don't know if you believe cows exist, but if they do, you want two too.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You're punished and lose your other cow.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell both to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A CANADIAN LIBERAL: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You form a Royal Commission to study the effects of having two cows verses having one or no cows. You hire your friends and pay them huge sums of money and never produce a final report.
A CANADIAN CONSERVATIVE: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You hire a US accounting firm to prove that it's the previous governments fault.
A CANADIAN NDP: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You take everything from everyone and force everybody to live in a commune. The criminals then take all the cows, so everyone has the same amount of cows, none.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk, sometimes.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A CANADIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. The government taxes you and takes both cows and gives them to a Quebec corporation.
A QUEBEC CORPORATION: You have two cows. You demand two more cows from your neighbor, sighting your cultural heritage as the right to special treatment.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. You make meat pies and sell them to German tourists.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count again and learn you have 42 cows. You count again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A NATIVE CASINO: You have no cows. You convince your white neighbor to play cards and win his two cows.